YOUR HOME can be a spotless castle by following a few traditional cleaning methods and some that aren’t so common.
My domicile is somewhere between pigpen and paradise. Many domestic divas inspire me to keep a sense of humor while tackling the dust bunnies and crusty laundry in my own home. The following techniques have helped me avoid the rigid confines of keeping an immaculate home. In addition, they may be the quickest fix to making your home appear cleaner, your life to flow easier, and help keep a smile on your face while doing it.
The first tip on my list is to lighten up, cut yourself some slack, and realize nobody’s perfect – nor does your home have to be immaculate. You may be piling too many tasks on your undeserving shoulders, tasks that are best done by a team of experts. Who said you had to be superwoman anyway? Once I started to lower my standards, it helped others to see that I was not the domestic diva they thought I was. I was more like a shove-it-in-the-oven-or-under-a-drop-cloth slob sister. Besides, who can move and breathe freely in a flawless home anyway? My advice is to take some deep cleansing breaths, lower your standards, and delegate as much work as possible.
My next bit of advice has to do with laundry. Believe it or not there are tomes written on removing and preventing stains in clothing. Who knew? Don Aslett’s Stain Buster’s Bible is one of them that I was privileged to uncover at the library. Mr. Aslett has a humorous way of presenting his laundering material, so it was not a hardship to flip through his bible. In summary, the best advice I unearthed was to get stains into water as soon as possible. But first, it is paramount to brush or scrape off as much of the stain as possible, pre-treat it with chemicals, and then get it into the washing machine. With all of the disclaimers he added about warm water, cold water, chlorine, liquid cleaners, and other articles bleeding into the garment you are trying to clean; my advice is to forget the 202 pages of advice and give the offending garment a proper burial.
Gadgets and gizmos are also “must haves” for the sidetracked cleaning specialist such as myself. There are times when a particularly favorite book keeps calling my name, so I figure out how to get as many tasks done while I pursue other things of more lasting value than cleaning. I can wash dishes, bake bread, roast chicken, launder clothes, and clean my oven all while immersed in a gripping novel. The dishwasher, bread machine, crock-pot, washing machine, and self-cleaning oven do the work for me. That’s what I call a job well done and time well spent! However, if you are part of the group of domestic engineers who actually enjoys any of the aforementioned tasks, feel free to engage in any of them at will. I, on the other hand, will be lying on the couch with my feet up, listening to the friendly buzz of my appliances hard at work.
I have also discovered that certain human body parts are excellent cleaning gadgets. The well-endowed gluteus maximus is a favorite, well-used tool of mine. Clad in a pair of soft sweats, it can be put into high-power or low-pressure mode on sliding glass doors, picture frames, ottomans, and a wide array of household objects. If you are not sure how this tool will work, let me explain.
For instance, if your leather ottoman is enclosed in dust, position the gluteus maximus at one corner and begin rotating and moving it in any direction on the ottoman. You may need friends to help with this project as there is nothing like a word of encouragement or a shout of laughter to keep the gluteus working. Fingerprints on sliding glass doors are history when attacked by the high-powered gluteus. This tool works well when you are busy with important tasks like talking on the phone; much work can be accomplished and it hardly feels like work at all.
I am on a different page than Erma Bombeck as she testifies in her book, At Wit’s End. She gets an attack of domesticity every November. She bakes, irons, and makes soap. She wants to beat mattresses, mend cleaning rags, and can green beans. Erma eventually gets over this cleaning craze to land in a plop on her just-repositioned couch. I say, skip the guilt and the flurry of activity altogether. If I feel this cleaning frenzy coming on, I plant myself firmly in my favorite chair with a can of nuts, my laptop, and burrow in for the long haul. Sometimes I need to lock myself in my messy room and surf in the unmade bed for a couple hours until the fever passes. Erma usually returns to her “slovenly self” a few days after the attack, to find the curtains washed and hanging limply and the furniture rearranged like a doctor’s reception room. I will save myself the grief and stick to my original plan of barricading myself in my room with my snacks and laptop.
How do you see yourself in these scenarios? Are you a cleaning wizard or slovenly surfer? Whichever way works for you, is the way to go. The aim of this little voyage into the realm of household chores is to help each of us take a light-hearted look at some of our unpleasant domestic duties to see if there is anywhere we can lighten the load, create some laughter, and generate more harmony in our homes while avoiding as many unsavory tasks as possible.
