Letter to the editor: Everyone Cheats at Golf

Posted

I see where Mr. Evan Dudik of Ridgefield doesn't like Pres. Trump because among other things he says "Mr. Trump cheats at GOLF" and then he says " Look it up". So I did and I found out Mr. Trump does indeed cheat at GOLF and on top of that everybody knows it.

In fact he is one of the best cheaters in GOLF and there's nobody like him. Let me clue you in Evan, everybody cheats at GOLF. I used to not cheat at GOLF and was totally miserable. You know if you spell GOLF backwards the word is FLOG which I suspect was the original word but was changed for marketing purposes. Then I started moving the ball a little bit if I had a bad lie. Why do you think they call it a lie? I sometimes play with this guy named Scott. Now Scott is a much better golfer than myself and was getting rather arrogant. Then I started controlling the scorecard. Trust me after playing 18 holes no one can remember what they shot on number 3.

Besides a little dish of humility improved his personality. It's sort of like a public service for Clark County.

Heck, I even saw James Bond cheat the ultra Liberal Goldfinger at GOLF. Bond switched his ball on #18 and announced "you played the wrong ball so you lose the hole and the match". Brilliant, I gotta remember that one. How do we know Goldfinger was the Liberal? Easy, he was the one driving the Rolls Royce, wanted all the gold for himself, and had the Chinese driver named OddJob. Sort of like Diane Feinstein and her Chinese driver, who turned out to be a spy.

Mr. Dudik, I suspect you are not a true MAGA believer, and I will submit paperwork to excommunicate you from the movement. Besides, President Trump and I are excellent golfers, perhaps the best golfers in all of History. On top of that, everybody says so.

Tom Regan

Battle Ground

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