I expect Roger Goodell to be ousted as NFL commissioner by the time President Obama’s term ends in two years. Who better than Obama to assume the position and make the fundamental changes necessary to transition the NFL into the 21st Century?
He would likely institute the following changes quickly:
• Renaming the Washington Redskins the Washington Reds.
• Shortening the commissioner’s title to commissar.
• Players refusing to pledge allegiance to Commissar Obama will have displayed symptoms of concussion-related brain damage and will be banned from playing.
• Unhealthy concession food will be replaced by the same nutritious snacks and meals that Michelle Obama has conceived for America’s public school children, only the portions will be larger.
• Pre-game changes would include flyovers by drones rather than gas guzzling military jets and by observing a minute of silence rather than singing the Star Spangled Banner.
• Coins featuring Al Sharpton’s face and Hillary Clinton’s derriere will be flipped to determine kickoffs.
• Cheerleaders will wear berkas.
• The final interpretation of all rules, including scoring, will be done at the whim of the field marshall, the new and highest-ranking officiating position.
After imposing these fundamental changes, I’m sure Commissar Obama would let his son, if he had one, play the game. Are you ready for some football?
Pat McCarty
Woodland
